Today marks 4 weeks to the day that I began a path to a changed person. One statement that has changed my outlook on a lot of things. When Allison was born and then I was pregnant with Lauren, I wondered how I could love another child as much as I loved Allison. For some reason, there was enough to go around. I have recently learned how much love I have for someone that I want to share the rest of my life with. It wasn't until I realized that he may not be there, how much I loved him. I had to confront my feelings and also how to deal with them and how to address things Ive never had to address before.
For those of you that know me, know I have a bit of a hard time letting people in. You ask why? I have a hard time trusting people and actually believing that the passion I have for something or someone could be recipricated to me. Really? Could there be someone that actually would love me as much as I love them? No way!
I have sent emails, I have made statements, I have tried to the ends of trying and am stuck not knowing what else to do. I can't put into words in order to make everything right. My wall, my hardness, my not letting people in just may have cost me my soulmate.
I have learned a hard lesson. One that will affect me every day for the rest of my life. There is no going back to the old 'me'. Never, there can't be.
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