Ode to Pam....

For the last year or so I have listened to my sister and her concerns with her relationship with Jon and how some neighbors up the street were adding stress to her relationship. I have listened to my best ability and tried, for the most part, to stay out of it. Over the last 6 months, however, it has gotten to the point, now, where I can't keep my mouth shut.

My sister has suggested counseling, my sister has concerns about her relationship with HER husband and the stress that its adding to her family including my niece and nephew. I have listened to how my brother-in-law has chosen these neighbors over his own family. I have listened to Pam cry to pour out what else could she do in order to save her marriage. I have heard from her that Jon left, but then, because he didn't have anywhere to go, wanted Pam to take the kids to my moms to stay so he could stay in the house. I have talked to her numerous nights where Jon is, but of course, at Chris and Traceys. I have heard from Pam, Jons side of it in that they are friends. Friends DO NOT interfere in a relationship. Friends don't call their friends spouses' ugly names. Names which I can't even write on here. Friends know that when they have overstepped the line and are causing issues in a relationship, they back off. Not these neighbors.

I have asked Pam several times why they don't have any other friends. Jon cannot go 24 hours without talking to one of them. Yes I know that sometimes your spouse has friends but is it usually with the husband AND wife? None, that I know of.

When Pam questioned Jon adding Tracey as a friend on Facebook, because Jon questioned Pam adding Jeanine, instead of Jon either taking Tracey off or telling Tracey that it wasn't such a good idea...what does he do? He deletes his whole profile. GROW UP! You can bitch to your wife because she won't accept Tracey because of her stressing my sister out but you can't confront Tracey? Yeah, makes alot of sense.

So now I am fighting back....so that everyone living in INDIAN HEAD subdivision in St. Albans, West Virginia, can stop by and tell them to GET A LIFE.

Recently, my lovely brother-in-law sent an email 'introducing' Tracey and Pam... hello? What part of my sister telling you that she doesn't want anything to do with them do you not understand? I was shocked as to the lengths he will go in order to try to force Pam to be friends. ALL he cares about is working out for Tracey and Chris. Nothing about fixing his MARRIED relationship, you know, the one he has with 2 CHILDREN!

So recently, Tracey became a child and answered Jon's email back to Jon and Pam...

Heres her email , for which you will see my comments throughout.....

I debated about writing a response to this bazaar yet very meaningful and touching email for 24 hours now. (yeah, lets see...it took you that long to figure out how you could make yourself look like you haven't done anything) I’ve thought about what I would say if given the opportunity to say it, I guess this is an opportunity. My first response was to point fingers, my second was to vent anger, and my third was to try and state my position. (of course, because we all know that you haven't done ANYTHING) I realized quickly that pointing fingers isn’t going to solve anything and would only complicate the matter. I wanted to vent anger because I have a lot and realized to turn this into a dog fight would also only complicate matters and again nothing get resolved. To state my position, (who gave you a position? Im sorry, the last time I checked, Jon was MARRIED to my sister..who gives you a position or puts you somewhere where you actually feel like you have a say?) also wouldn’t solve anything, people are always going to believe what they want to believe and normally that consist of the gossip, (Gossip? You are too interested in saying anything bad about my sister, also if you had a brain in that head of yours, you would walk away) the bad or worst in another.

So I guess I’m going to speak from my heart being good or bad and see where this avenue will go…. My biggest struggle right now is the point these relationships (maybe you should define what a relationship is? Friendship relationships are way different that marriage relationships..which brings me back to the question...Why don't you have any OTHER friends, Tracey? Why isn't there ONE other human breathing soul that you spend time with?) have come too and done so unnecessarily. (Unnecessarily? Maybe you should ask webster.com about that one? Unnecessarily to who? You? Oh, yeah thats right....its all about Chris and Tracey not my sister who happens to be married to the man you lust after and any amount of time you can dictate is more AWAY from his family. Until divorce papers are signed, you stupid fat bitch, the number one priority relationship should be his FAMILY, which the last time I checked you were NOT a part of) Another thing, when talking about people first started I asked that if anything came up that needed to be discussed or even wanted to be discussed that you and I talk about it. Lastly, the spy like behavior. (spy like behavior? You and your stupid ass husband that puts up with this 'so-called' relationship you have with my brother in law, have driven my sister to the brink of sanity...There is a law.. 'alienation of affection'.. even though my bro-in-law hasn't actually slept with you.. Im sure a Judge would love to hear your idea of your relationship with Jon and then bring up Pam's spy-like behavior. We will see who comes out of court laughing!) The relationships. (There you go with that 'relationships' word again..didn't we just talk about this?) This hasn’t only affected your family, (because of you and your cult like ways)it has also affected and continues to affect mine (oh, I doubt that... affecting yours is only when Jon has obligations that he can't blow off onto my sister..lord forbid that Jon miss an extra 20 minutes of his beloved psychopathic cult neighbors).

I’m not sure “in detail” what is currently going on in your home (um, excuse me, since when is it any of YOUR business... should we scroll up to the comment about family... again, your NOT in it.. oh but I forgot, in a cult like setting EVERYONE is family... too bad Charles Manson is locked up...Im sure you and your husband by way of marriage would be welcomed into the 'family') but I know in ours there is a hole. (Is that Pam's fault? A hole? Let's see.. you have your husband, your child and yourself...whats missing? Jon? Because he can't be there 100% of his time) It’s not between Chris and I (if theres a hole in your home, the last time I checked my sister wasn't paying your mortgage and neither was Jon, so I would assume that means its YOUR house? Right?) but between Chris and Jon and Chris, Jon and I. (No see the problem is you dont have a life. You can't even invest the amount of time that you have with my sisters husband with your own husband and/or child. And Jon and Pam are a package, or at least they should be, but again many couples split up after one delves into the cult-life.... again there has to be a reason that you have no other friends) Also, there is the kids. (Wow, you acknowledged you have one. Wow, by the way you write these emails one would never know...see my sister busts her ass for hers, but your too damn worried about any more time you can get with her husband to worry about anything else. Don't drag the kid into it) I honestly mean no disrespect (you are a disrespectful every minute you breathe, not to mention how damn stupid you are for butting in to another relationship and not backing off when you overstep your bounds..oh thats right your in a cult..I guess you can use that in court. Did I mention that with an 'alienation of affection' lawsuit the person causing the stress has to pay.. so actually my sister may own your house one day.. and if so..she MAY rent it to you for oh....$10,000/month) but the bond between the three of us is stronger and for a few good reasons. (Yeah because you are a FREAK and can't realize when you are not wanted)

I asked that you really look and think about the reasons. (My sister and/or Jon doesn't have to look and think..you freak, your crazy fantasy has been going on for over a year..what is there to think about... we are all over 35 and we have resulted to emails) It’s stronger because Jon has been there, he knows us, shared pasts, he didn’t talk about us and he put forth the effort and took the time. (if you needed him then fine...that doesn't mean its a lifelong commitment dumbass) It’s not that it wasn’t there for you, our door was always open ( I think EVERYONE in Indian Head knows your door is ALWAYS open for Jon. Wasn't Manson's door always open?) And the invitation was always there for one and all. (ok, heres the part where I said, lets make myself look good... Pams door ISNT open for you.. is she a bitch? Maybe...but no where is it written she has to like you or join your cult), I know how much this relationship means to both you and Chris (is my bro-in-law gay? maybe bi-sexual? Again with that relationship word. Jon has a friend Sean that I have known for years... Jon and Sean probably do about 0.05% of what the cult does) and obviously what it has meant to me. (It doesn't matter what crap means to you...YOU are, again, NOT in Jon's family...no matter what you do....NEVER) I’ve watched you laugh, I’ve watched you cry, I’ve watched you hug, I’ve watched you share and I’ve watched you bond and grow. (Isn't that a little wierd to be coming from someone that is your friends wife? Isn't that something your wife or brother should be saying?) Because of each of your pasts, I know and respect how much this relationship meant and means to each. To hear of your past it’s almost like someone is telling a story. To know you both worked at the gas company for Jim and while you guys hung out neither of you went deep enough to realize how similar your upbringings were and now to reconnect years later only to find that the similarities are even more the same, it’s almost as if a higher power had something to do with it. (Oh, great, now lets bring religion into it.. good one) I honestly believe in my heart that you two were brought back together for a reason. (yeah, to destroy a family, to stress my sister out... yeah that'll look good at the Pearly Gate...remember that one)

Maybe I’m fooling myself but I see you guys together and it brings back so many memories for me. I don’t know that I’ve ever shared this with either of you but I feel it’s necessary to share it now. Chris and his brother were very close. I can remember when we were dating, first married and basically until Greg got married years later, Greg was always around. He was with us on the weekends, he was with us in the evenings, he didn’t miss an episode of Monday night raw, he was just always there. (WHEN HE WAS SINGLE YOU STUPID IDIOT) Even after being married, he was there when he could be (I am going to use your own words "WHEN HE COULD BE" did you also suck the life out of him and his wife? Did you demand every moment of existance?) and as often as he was needed. If it had to be, it’s only fitting that he too was with us only hours before he passed. The boys often talked about doing vacations, we’d all go to Wirt Co., we’d go out, we’d hangout, raising the kids, etc. (Maybe my sister and her children want to see more than Wirt County of vacation?.. There is life beyond the border of West Virginia. )They were the closets brothers I’d ever seen. When Greg died, a piece of Chris died with him. Jon, you brought a piece of that back for him and I hope he was able to do that for you. (Jon lost his brother as well, that doesn't mean you are related because of similar situations. Friendships...define them.. obviously you define it differently that all us NORMAL humans)

Ididn’t see the harm in still wanting these things nor did I realize it was a bad thing, people you can take your kids with and go to Kings Island, go to the camp, go on vacation, go out with, have cookouts with or whatever else may present itself. (IF all 4 involved want the same things...when all 4 don't.. then NO)The friendship between you guys was/is beautiful and for me to be a part of it was amazing, I‘m grateful for you! It’s not only what you were able to do for him but in turn was able to do for me. Thank you and I’m truly sorry this has happened to either of you. Chris said the other night because all this has happened it feels as if he’s lost his brother all over again and if you feel the way I know you do, I hate it as much for you as I do him, the pain! (Grow up and GET OVER IT.. let me tell you again..news flash! JON IS NOT YOUR HUSBANDS BROTHER.) I appreciated, loved and really enjoyed the time we spent and had together, if I said I regretted it I would be lying. My question here is, how can loving someone be a bad thing? (it's all in how you define love...this whole email is freaky. Im sorry your friends wife is telling you how much she 'loves' you? Anyone else here think thats a little off?) As stated before, I wish I had “enemies” who loved my family as much as Chris and I have loved and love yours…. (You do...they're in your cult you freak... remember family) I believe you both need this, (What Jon needs is NONE of your business, its not up to you to worry about it)

I know you both love one another and I know there isn't two people who deserve to have this more, especially because all that has happened to each of you...(I can give you a laundry list of people who have gone through more.. actually pick up the phone book and randomly pick a name...bet I would win) shouldn't be asked or needed given up. (You freakiin IDIOT... it shouldn't have to even come to that point. Man you are sooo stupid.. hello...thats why my sisters relationship is where it is.. because YOU don't things have to be asked or needed to be given up. Hello..in our world..your family comes first..which again, for the 3rd or 4th time..JON ISN"T IN YOUR FAMILY) Excessive talking. I was hurt when I first learned things were being said about me and my family even before I realized there were any problems, (If you can sit there and try to make someone believe that you have NEVER said anything about my sister...YOU ARE A LIAR. And, once again, my sister doesn't like you..she doesn't have to, she doesn't have to explain why... thats why we live in the USA.. its a FREE country)

Then I thought we all had a true realization of friendship. (Again by YOUR definition) After all, you both had been victims of this same behavior and to turn around and do it to “friends” and people you “love“. (My sister is NOT your friend and your idea of love comes from Manson himself) I had even asked if everything was okay and I was reassured, by the both of you, time and time again there were no problems with Chris and I, “we were loved and our friendship valued“. Once these feelings were out in the open, I asked if there was ever a question, comment, problem or anything needed to be said, that it be said to me and not everyone else but me. We’d talk about it and hopefully work it out, I’m not perfect. (Oh lord, EVERYONE knows that..and if they didn't before reading this...they sure as to hell know now) It surprised me to learn not months later but just a couple weeks later , and that maybe pushing it, things went back to the way they were, talking behind my back. (This isn't behind your back you fat cow.. this is the internet... anyone can look at my page...as a matter of fact... im handing the web address out so that at least everyone in North Carolina and anyone I can get to read it in West Virginia can read it too) I kept my mouth shut this time, (that didn't last long, now, did it) trying to hold it in and trying to keep the peace for everyone. I wasn’t hurt this time, I was pissed and it eventually got the best of me.

I haven’t always said or done the right thing but yes there is a but, I never set out to maliciously hurt anyone, their name or their family. (Oh, I can't believe Im reading this... not out to hurt family... YOU HAVE DESTROYED A FAMILY ALL FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR SELFISH WAYS YOU CULT LOVING PIG) I could’ve said things, I definitely could have spread things, (OH YOU HAVE AND YOU KNOW IT) I could’ve done things, I could’ve set out to ruin peoples name, I could’ve tried to turn people against people, friends against friends, or try to get people to choose sides…I have yet to go that route! (Thats because all people are sucked into your cult and actually believe that you are a decent person) When I had a problem I went to one or the both of you hoping for some type of resolution. I may not have said the right thing and I may not have done the right thing, (Standing in my sisters house and screaming so damn loud that the across-the-street- neighbors heard you...yeah thats doing the right thing) I am sorry for that, but I at least came to you and not someone else! I understand and have always understood people have lives and have other things to do, I get it. (NO YOU DONT OR ELSE YOU WOULD LEAVE JON ALONE)I also understand the importance of family time. (Really, exactly when would you have family time, because except when Jon is at work he is at your house) While understanding this, your family had become part of mine or at least this is the way Chris and I felt!! (im sorry what part of Pam and the kids were associated with you? NOTHING! Which by the way, you large rectal abcess means they ARE NOT a part of your family and your Wirt County vacations) With that being said, when excuse after excuse after excuse was given as to why we couldn’t do this or why we couldn’t do that it became clear, what was seen, needed, and felt by 3 wasn’t being felt, needed or wanted by all. (No it was the fact, that Jon picked you over his own family. He would rather hurt and argue with his own wife than to tell you to leave him alone. Everyone EXCEPT Jon sees who he has chosen) I know some of the reasons for not being able to do things were legitimate, we gave a hard time but it was all in fun and never meant to hurt anyone, but let’s be honest, there were/are others, they weren’t and still aren’t all legitimate. (It doesn't matter... when EVERY excuse was used in order for Pam to attempt at keeping her family together and away from the sick ways of the cult up the street,which by the way, she was the ONLY person looking out for her family) There was always enough time, money and anything and everything else it just depended on who wanted it and who was asking. I could understand if you were just sick of being around us (oh, so saving his marriage and family wasn't a good enough excuse?) but the truth of the matter is, you were barely if ever around, so why? (What, are you a clone.. wow, didn't know they had cults that cloned themselves? Where have you been?) It can’t be the blow up of the infamous Thursday night or anything after, this was long before that, this was when we were still loved and valued as friends.(um, I don't think you were EVER valued..Pam may have tolerated you but I have never heard of her talk about you as a close friend) The spies like us behavior. The endless phone calls, checking of phone records, caller id's, checking of the bowling alley, banking accounts, emails, facebook, pumping mutual friends for information, sneaking around my house and listening through walls and most of all hacking into voicemails. (Do you like being the person that caused that behavior? Does it make you feel good at night to know that my sister is so worried about her marriage that she did that? Does it make you feel good that instead of Jon just telling you that he wouldn't add you to his facebook account that he just cancelled it? Wow... thats a stand up person now isn't it? You SHOULD be so proud of yourself...I bet your mom is proud of you too. Heck you should feel proud that Jon told you ahout that. He can't even keep information in his marriage in his own house.. again, that must make you sleep good at night) Jon, I hope you don’t get mad at me for this but I want to explain many things. There were innuendos made that made me worry. Things I hated to hear and didn’t want to hear or ever want to hear from someone I care about. Someone I wasn’t prepared or wanted to lose because of bad judgment or because I did nothing…. It upset me and truly worried me. After discussing how I was feeling, he convinced me it wasn’t anything to worry about basically just a bad judgment call/statements and something that shouldn’t have been said but nonetheless still worries me because I do care. Could you live with doing nothing, I can’t and couldn’t! I couldn’t stand by and do nothing, I wouldn’t do that to my worst enemy…not be there, not talk to, not listen to! I wanted him to know he had a friend, “that’s what friends are for”.(Again, it depends on what your definition is of 'friend' and believe me.. no sane person would want to be your 'friend')

I wanted him to know he was cared about and loved. I wanted him to see the positive in his life, big or small, and realize the things he had to be thankful for or even just make him laugh. Also, that when he wasn’t around he had people who missed him. I’ve hid my feelings from no one, this includes Chris. I do care, I am here, I do love him and I do miss him. (Can I get a psychologist to read this? Is this 'normal' for a 'friend' to be writing this to a man who is having marriage problems and this person is the reason? I think Dr. Phil needs to be called) Why would I want someone in my life that I can’t say these things about? (Manson) There are many people who feel this way about him, there are two in this house!! He’s a great person and even better friend. I have a child and I am married to my child’s father, I love and respect him. Is Jon someone I could see myself with, yes he is and I'm sure that answer would be the same for a million other girls, (Oh, so NOW the truth comes out...so you do want something more.. then this guess about a cult couldn't be more right on. Who else would sit back and let their wife right stuff like this? Who? NO ONE!!!!!) he's a wonderful person and I swear I married his twin so it's a pretty easy answer. However, the bottom line is I'm married with a child and you two are married with two children. (Did you really say that? You admitted Jon is married, does Jon know this? Maybe you need a refresher course in sociology and human development) I am capable of loving other people it's just different! (Yes, we know...DIFFERENT) Just as I know Jon loves you, you can hear it in the way he talks about you and things he does if listened too and seen. (Really, thats why Jon still associated with your husband who called her a c***? I don't know one single man that would sit back and still let that person breathe if they called their wife/girlfriend the C word)It’s not a competition, ( oh yes it is... you can't stand one minute that Jon isn't there.. he doesn't owe you any explanation to anything. He shouldn't be made to chose, which you make him.. Do you ever think that maybe you could go 24 hours without talking or seeing him. Maybe you need to enroll in 'RA" Relationships Annonymous) it’s not a tug of war and it’s nothing to be threatened about, not for me. ( I would sure hope not. My sister is 50x better than you, not to mention she is beautiful, a loving mother and she will find someone one day that will support her and have focus on a family)

He should be able to have an outside the four walls relationship with people (again, definition) without having to be checked on or checked up on, he’s a grown man! (that has joined a cult with a wife that doesn't want any part of it.. what is so hard to understand?) The above mentioned things are wrong on so many levels. I can remember a time when I use to call you and do the same thing. I would hear a Madonna song, (oh please dont bring Madonna into this... you aren't even close to her, even on a 80's level) or a dance song if we were going dancing and play it for you. The circumstances were just different, a friend needed me and I was able to be there, I don’t regret it and I would do it again tomorrow! If I said I wasn’t hurting, I’d be lying. If I said I wasn’t pissed, I’d be lying. If I said I didn’t care, I’d be lying. If I said I wanted the friendship to end, I would be lying and if I said I regretted it, it again would be a lie. I have many feelings and emotions (don't we all know) at this point but regret isn’t one of them! For almost a year and a half, I witnessed a miracle. A very beautiful, meaningful, loving, caring…just an amazing bond and friendship! (and all along, b/c my sister didn't want to be a part of your sick relationship cult) My husband (oh wow, you have a husband.. I think this is the 2nd time you used that word. Maybe you should go back to church and hear what a higher power says about marriages and tThe 10 Commandments or the 7 deadly sins... oh don't forget the 'alienation of affection' lawsuit. Damn I should have been a lawyer) felt as if he got a piece of his life and a brother back, I gained a best friend, someone I truly care about, trust, cherish (not to mention that you want to be married to him)and I know will be there for me and my family.I don’t know where to go from here and I don’t know what else I can say. ( I do... get a life and stop breathing) I won’t continue to defend myself or the relationship the 3 of us have, this I do know.

I know this friendship won’t be what it was without trust, effort and time and even with that I don’t know that it will ever be! I do hate the fact that the “social circle” is no longer. I hate the fact if we are all going out, one or both of us won’t be there. I thought about the both of you during Halloween and New Year’s Eve, it just wasn’t the same! When Duane invited us out for New Year‘s, I first asked if Dana knew and Duane said she had thought he’d already told/invited us. My second question was if you, Pam, was aware of it. I want to move past this and move on and at the very least be able to be social. (You can forget that one) I know that was Duane and Dana’s intentions for New Year’s, hoping one good night would be the start of a new beginning because she made reference to it on the way home, I agreed and was hoping for the same. I know that’s what most of us want! (No not most of us..YOU) I don’t enjoy this, I don’t care for the drama. Maybe we’ll never get back to where we once were or maybe we were never there but to do this and act like this, I can’t and won’t do it anymore. I am better than this (don't flatter yourself.....believe me... your not) and I would like to think you are as well.If in fact one or the both of you realize someone has to choose, family or friends…please let me know because this is not what I want this to come too and I never did nor expected this, I wouldn't ask or expect you to choose. Love is selflessness and if Chris and I need to give up this friendship for the sake of family, yeah, I love you enough to do that. (Um, I think we tried this before....and you were going through withdrawals within 8 hours) It wouldn’t be easy and it isn’t anything we want to do but I also don’t want anyone to hurt or continue to hurt…not my family or yours.I do care….and none of us are promised tomorrow…. (And so many of us wish you wouldn't see tomorrow) In so many ways, I wish things were different! (Yeah, we know.. you wish you and Jon were married...we have heard that) Thanks Jon for the introduction, the email and the effort!! You mean a lot and you're a great person!!! (And again, how old are we?)

So in summary..... can we say 2 things..... numero uno... there is a reason why you don't have friends.. and numero dos (thats 2 to all you slow people)... F U!

I could list the top 10 reason why moving to Raleigh is good..but hey, I already made you a scrapbook so that you could ponder daily. Call me... I can have enough people to get your house packed and move you completely in less than 24 hours. Surround yourself with people that do want you to be happy, realize there is life beyond a******* (remember I was once married for a memorable 12 years...NOT) and hey, Im not doing so bad.... and know that you are better than the trash you are surrounded with. You are a great person, a wonderful mom and you do deserve better. Don't go another day dealing with this. I love you!