Dear Michelle....

Chris wanted to meet last night.  We ended up sitting for 2 1/2 hours.  He finally started a conversation about a relationship with "don't count me out forever, just count me out for now..... I can't give you everything you want right now".  So, not sure how we got to this point after passing up almost 10 weeks of 'I still love you' 'I miss you and the girls' 'I do think about us', etc. etc. etc.   He says his hesitation is still with dealing with things from the past and the ability to let them go.  The last time I checked you were an adult and its your choice to let things go or not.  No one else controls that.  I did tell him that I think he chooses to hold on to things in an effort to keep the door closed in regards to feelings for me.  He also brought up the 'timing' of all of this again.  So aside from stating what I have said over the last 10 weeks, I told him to call Lee, the travel agent and asked when and what rooms were booked for our cruise in September.  They were booked in January.  My room with his and my name on it.  His response was that we weren't even talking that much in January and I told him that the plan was that for 2011-one way or another-we would be together by September.  He then stated that I had brought it up twice to him but never said anything about him going.  I told him we weren't together and that I put it out there so that if there was a chance of us being together that he would know the trip was booked and that it would be an 'us' trip.  Im not sure he believes it or not. 

I guess the bottom line is that I will move on.  As he says 'I may wake up tomm, next week or next month and be able to give you everything, I just don't know'.  Really?  You can't have it both ways.  I have so much poured out my heart and know without a shadow of a doubt that we could definately have a great life and familyl together.  With that said, again, I will move on.  I don't expect to hear from him again!  I wish he just would have said 'I can't do it, you need to move on, no hard feelings'.  But I guess he's a guy and most guys are idiots!