Ode to Pam....

For the last year or so I have listened to my sister and her concerns with her relationship with Jon and how some neighbors up the street were adding stress to her relationship. I have listened to my best ability and tried, for the most part, to stay out of it. Over the last 6 months, however, it has gotten to the point, now, where I can't keep my mouth shut.

My sister has suggested counseling, my sister has concerns about her relationship with HER husband and the stress that its adding to her family including my niece and nephew. I have listened to how my brother-in-law has chosen these neighbors over his own family. I have listened to Pam cry to pour out what else could she do in order to save her marriage. I have heard from her that Jon left, but then, because he didn't have anywhere to go, wanted Pam to take the kids to my moms to stay so he could stay in the house. I have talked to her numerous nights where Jon is, but of course, at Chris and Traceys. I have heard from Pam, Jons side of it in that they are friends. Friends DO NOT interfere in a relationship. Friends don't call their friends spouses' ugly names. Names which I can't even write on here. Friends know that when they have overstepped the line and are causing issues in a relationship, they back off. Not these neighbors.

I have asked Pam several times why they don't have any other friends. Jon cannot go 24 hours without talking to one of them. Yes I know that sometimes your spouse has friends but is it usually with the husband AND wife? None, that I know of.

When Pam questioned Jon adding Tracey as a friend on Facebook, because Jon questioned Pam adding Jeanine, instead of Jon either taking Tracey off or telling Tracey that it wasn't such a good idea...what does he do? He deletes his whole profile. GROW UP! You can bitch to your wife because she won't accept Tracey because of her stressing my sister out but you can't confront Tracey? Yeah, makes alot of sense.

So now I am fighting back....so that everyone living in INDIAN HEAD subdivision in St. Albans, West Virginia, can stop by and tell them to GET A LIFE.

Recently, my lovely brother-in-law sent an email 'introducing' Tracey and Pam... hello? What part of my sister telling you that she doesn't want anything to do with them do you not understand? I was shocked as to the lengths he will go in order to try to force Pam to be friends. ALL he cares about is working out for Tracey and Chris. Nothing about fixing his MARRIED relationship, you know, the one he has with 2 CHILDREN!

So recently, Tracey became a child and answered Jon's email back to Jon and Pam...

Heres her email , for which you will see my comments throughout.....

I debated about writing a response to this bazaar yet very meaningful and touching email for 24 hours now. (yeah, lets see...it took you that long to figure out how you could make yourself look like you haven't done anything) I’ve thought about what I would say if given the opportunity to say it, I guess this is an opportunity. My first response was to point fingers, my second was to vent anger, and my third was to try and state my position. (of course, because we all know that you haven't done ANYTHING) I realized quickly that pointing fingers isn’t going to solve anything and would only complicate the matter. I wanted to vent anger because I have a lot and realized to turn this into a dog fight would also only complicate matters and again nothing get resolved. To state my position, (who gave you a position? Im sorry, the last time I checked, Jon was MARRIED to my sister..who gives you a position or puts you somewhere where you actually feel like you have a say?) also wouldn’t solve anything, people are always going to believe what they want to believe and normally that consist of the gossip, (Gossip? You are too interested in saying anything bad about my sister, also if you had a brain in that head of yours, you would walk away) the bad or worst in another.

So I guess I’m going to speak from my heart being good or bad and see where this avenue will go…. My biggest struggle right now is the point these relationships (maybe you should define what a relationship is? Friendship relationships are way different that marriage relationships..which brings me back to the question...Why don't you have any OTHER friends, Tracey? Why isn't there ONE other human breathing soul that you spend time with?) have come too and done so unnecessarily. (Unnecessarily? Maybe you should ask webster.com about that one? Unnecessarily to who? You? Oh, yeah thats right....its all about Chris and Tracey not my sister who happens to be married to the man you lust after and any amount of time you can dictate is more AWAY from his family. Until divorce papers are signed, you stupid fat bitch, the number one priority relationship should be his FAMILY, which the last time I checked you were NOT a part of) Another thing, when talking about people first started I asked that if anything came up that needed to be discussed or even wanted to be discussed that you and I talk about it. Lastly, the spy like behavior. (spy like behavior? You and your stupid ass husband that puts up with this 'so-called' relationship you have with my brother in law, have driven my sister to the brink of sanity...There is a law.. 'alienation of affection'.. even though my bro-in-law hasn't actually slept with you.. Im sure a Judge would love to hear your idea of your relationship with Jon and then bring up Pam's spy-like behavior. We will see who comes out of court laughing!) The relationships. (There you go with that 'relationships' word again..didn't we just talk about this?) This hasn’t only affected your family, (because of you and your cult like ways)it has also affected and continues to affect mine (oh, I doubt that... affecting yours is only when Jon has obligations that he can't blow off onto my sister..lord forbid that Jon miss an extra 20 minutes of his beloved psychopathic cult neighbors).

I’m not sure “in detail” what is currently going on in your home (um, excuse me, since when is it any of YOUR business... should we scroll up to the comment about family... again, your NOT in it.. oh but I forgot, in a cult like setting EVERYONE is family... too bad Charles Manson is locked up...Im sure you and your husband by way of marriage would be welcomed into the 'family') but I know in ours there is a hole. (Is that Pam's fault? A hole? Let's see.. you have your husband, your child and yourself...whats missing? Jon? Because he can't be there 100% of his time) It’s not between Chris and I (if theres a hole in your home, the last time I checked my sister wasn't paying your mortgage and neither was Jon, so I would assume that means its YOUR house? Right?) but between Chris and Jon and Chris, Jon and I. (No see the problem is you dont have a life. You can't even invest the amount of time that you have with my sisters husband with your own husband and/or child. And Jon and Pam are a package, or at least they should be, but again many couples split up after one delves into the cult-life.... again there has to be a reason that you have no other friends) Also, there is the kids. (Wow, you acknowledged you have one. Wow, by the way you write these emails one would never know...see my sister busts her ass for hers, but your too damn worried about any more time you can get with her husband to worry about anything else. Don't drag the kid into it) I honestly mean no disrespect (you are a disrespectful every minute you breathe, not to mention how damn stupid you are for butting in to another relationship and not backing off when you overstep your bounds..oh thats right your in a cult..I guess you can use that in court. Did I mention that with an 'alienation of affection' lawsuit the person causing the stress has to pay.. so actually my sister may own your house one day.. and if so..she MAY rent it to you for oh....$10,000/month) but the bond between the three of us is stronger and for a few good reasons. (Yeah because you are a FREAK and can't realize when you are not wanted)

I asked that you really look and think about the reasons. (My sister and/or Jon doesn't have to look and think..you freak, your crazy fantasy has been going on for over a year..what is there to think about... we are all over 35 and we have resulted to emails) It’s stronger because Jon has been there, he knows us, shared pasts, he didn’t talk about us and he put forth the effort and took the time. (if you needed him then fine...that doesn't mean its a lifelong commitment dumbass) It’s not that it wasn’t there for you, our door was always open ( I think EVERYONE in Indian Head knows your door is ALWAYS open for Jon. Wasn't Manson's door always open?) And the invitation was always there for one and all. (ok, heres the part where I said, lets make myself look good... Pams door ISNT open for you.. is she a bitch? Maybe...but no where is it written she has to like you or join your cult), I know how much this relationship means to both you and Chris (is my bro-in-law gay? maybe bi-sexual? Again with that relationship word. Jon has a friend Sean that I have known for years... Jon and Sean probably do about 0.05% of what the cult does) and obviously what it has meant to me. (It doesn't matter what crap means to you...YOU are, again, NOT in Jon's family...no matter what you do....NEVER) I’ve watched you laugh, I’ve watched you cry, I’ve watched you hug, I’ve watched you share and I’ve watched you bond and grow. (Isn't that a little wierd to be coming from someone that is your friends wife? Isn't that something your wife or brother should be saying?) Because of each of your pasts, I know and respect how much this relationship meant and means to each. To hear of your past it’s almost like someone is telling a story. To know you both worked at the gas company for Jim and while you guys hung out neither of you went deep enough to realize how similar your upbringings were and now to reconnect years later only to find that the similarities are even more the same, it’s almost as if a higher power had something to do with it. (Oh, great, now lets bring religion into it.. good one) I honestly believe in my heart that you two were brought back together for a reason. (yeah, to destroy a family, to stress my sister out... yeah that'll look good at the Pearly Gate...remember that one)

Maybe I’m fooling myself but I see you guys together and it brings back so many memories for me. I don’t know that I’ve ever shared this with either of you but I feel it’s necessary to share it now. Chris and his brother were very close. I can remember when we were dating, first married and basically until Greg got married years later, Greg was always around. He was with us on the weekends, he was with us in the evenings, he didn’t miss an episode of Monday night raw, he was just always there. (WHEN HE WAS SINGLE YOU STUPID IDIOT) Even after being married, he was there when he could be (I am going to use your own words "WHEN HE COULD BE" did you also suck the life out of him and his wife? Did you demand every moment of existance?) and as often as he was needed. If it had to be, it’s only fitting that he too was with us only hours before he passed. The boys often talked about doing vacations, we’d all go to Wirt Co., we’d go out, we’d hangout, raising the kids, etc. (Maybe my sister and her children want to see more than Wirt County of vacation?.. There is life beyond the border of West Virginia. )They were the closets brothers I’d ever seen. When Greg died, a piece of Chris died with him. Jon, you brought a piece of that back for him and I hope he was able to do that for you. (Jon lost his brother as well, that doesn't mean you are related because of similar situations. Friendships...define them.. obviously you define it differently that all us NORMAL humans)

Ididn’t see the harm in still wanting these things nor did I realize it was a bad thing, people you can take your kids with and go to Kings Island, go to the camp, go on vacation, go out with, have cookouts with or whatever else may present itself. (IF all 4 involved want the same things...when all 4 don't.. then NO)The friendship between you guys was/is beautiful and for me to be a part of it was amazing, I‘m grateful for you! It’s not only what you were able to do for him but in turn was able to do for me. Thank you and I’m truly sorry this has happened to either of you. Chris said the other night because all this has happened it feels as if he’s lost his brother all over again and if you feel the way I know you do, I hate it as much for you as I do him, the pain! (Grow up and GET OVER IT.. let me tell you again..news flash! JON IS NOT YOUR HUSBANDS BROTHER.) I appreciated, loved and really enjoyed the time we spent and had together, if I said I regretted it I would be lying. My question here is, how can loving someone be a bad thing? (it's all in how you define love...this whole email is freaky. Im sorry your friends wife is telling you how much she 'loves' you? Anyone else here think thats a little off?) As stated before, I wish I had “enemies” who loved my family as much as Chris and I have loved and love yours…. (You do...they're in your cult you freak... remember family) I believe you both need this, (What Jon needs is NONE of your business, its not up to you to worry about it)

I know you both love one another and I know there isn't two people who deserve to have this more, especially because all that has happened to each of you...(I can give you a laundry list of people who have gone through more.. actually pick up the phone book and randomly pick a name...bet I would win) shouldn't be asked or needed given up. (You freakiin IDIOT... it shouldn't have to even come to that point. Man you are sooo stupid.. hello...thats why my sisters relationship is where it is.. because YOU don't things have to be asked or needed to be given up. Hello..in our world..your family comes first..which again, for the 3rd or 4th time..JON ISN"T IN YOUR FAMILY) Excessive talking. I was hurt when I first learned things were being said about me and my family even before I realized there were any problems, (If you can sit there and try to make someone believe that you have NEVER said anything about my sister...YOU ARE A LIAR. And, once again, my sister doesn't like you..she doesn't have to, she doesn't have to explain why... thats why we live in the USA.. its a FREE country)

Then I thought we all had a true realization of friendship. (Again by YOUR definition) After all, you both had been victims of this same behavior and to turn around and do it to “friends” and people you “love“. (My sister is NOT your friend and your idea of love comes from Manson himself) I had even asked if everything was okay and I was reassured, by the both of you, time and time again there were no problems with Chris and I, “we were loved and our friendship valued“. Once these feelings were out in the open, I asked if there was ever a question, comment, problem or anything needed to be said, that it be said to me and not everyone else but me. We’d talk about it and hopefully work it out, I’m not perfect. (Oh lord, EVERYONE knows that..and if they didn't before reading this...they sure as to hell know now) It surprised me to learn not months later but just a couple weeks later , and that maybe pushing it, things went back to the way they were, talking behind my back. (This isn't behind your back you fat cow.. this is the internet... anyone can look at my page...as a matter of fact... im handing the web address out so that at least everyone in North Carolina and anyone I can get to read it in West Virginia can read it too) I kept my mouth shut this time, (that didn't last long, now, did it) trying to hold it in and trying to keep the peace for everyone. I wasn’t hurt this time, I was pissed and it eventually got the best of me.

I haven’t always said or done the right thing but yes there is a but, I never set out to maliciously hurt anyone, their name or their family. (Oh, I can't believe Im reading this... not out to hurt family... YOU HAVE DESTROYED A FAMILY ALL FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR SELFISH WAYS YOU CULT LOVING PIG) I could’ve said things, I definitely could have spread things, (OH YOU HAVE AND YOU KNOW IT) I could’ve done things, I could’ve set out to ruin peoples name, I could’ve tried to turn people against people, friends against friends, or try to get people to choose sides…I have yet to go that route! (Thats because all people are sucked into your cult and actually believe that you are a decent person) When I had a problem I went to one or the both of you hoping for some type of resolution. I may not have said the right thing and I may not have done the right thing, (Standing in my sisters house and screaming so damn loud that the across-the-street- neighbors heard you...yeah thats doing the right thing) I am sorry for that, but I at least came to you and not someone else! I understand and have always understood people have lives and have other things to do, I get it. (NO YOU DONT OR ELSE YOU WOULD LEAVE JON ALONE)I also understand the importance of family time. (Really, exactly when would you have family time, because except when Jon is at work he is at your house) While understanding this, your family had become part of mine or at least this is the way Chris and I felt!! (im sorry what part of Pam and the kids were associated with you? NOTHING! Which by the way, you large rectal abcess means they ARE NOT a part of your family and your Wirt County vacations) With that being said, when excuse after excuse after excuse was given as to why we couldn’t do this or why we couldn’t do that it became clear, what was seen, needed, and felt by 3 wasn’t being felt, needed or wanted by all. (No it was the fact, that Jon picked you over his own family. He would rather hurt and argue with his own wife than to tell you to leave him alone. Everyone EXCEPT Jon sees who he has chosen) I know some of the reasons for not being able to do things were legitimate, we gave a hard time but it was all in fun and never meant to hurt anyone, but let’s be honest, there were/are others, they weren’t and still aren’t all legitimate. (It doesn't matter... when EVERY excuse was used in order for Pam to attempt at keeping her family together and away from the sick ways of the cult up the street,which by the way, she was the ONLY person looking out for her family) There was always enough time, money and anything and everything else it just depended on who wanted it and who was asking. I could understand if you were just sick of being around us (oh, so saving his marriage and family wasn't a good enough excuse?) but the truth of the matter is, you were barely if ever around, so why? (What, are you a clone.. wow, didn't know they had cults that cloned themselves? Where have you been?) It can’t be the blow up of the infamous Thursday night or anything after, this was long before that, this was when we were still loved and valued as friends.(um, I don't think you were EVER valued..Pam may have tolerated you but I have never heard of her talk about you as a close friend) The spies like us behavior. The endless phone calls, checking of phone records, caller id's, checking of the bowling alley, banking accounts, emails, facebook, pumping mutual friends for information, sneaking around my house and listening through walls and most of all hacking into voicemails. (Do you like being the person that caused that behavior? Does it make you feel good at night to know that my sister is so worried about her marriage that she did that? Does it make you feel good that instead of Jon just telling you that he wouldn't add you to his facebook account that he just cancelled it? Wow... thats a stand up person now isn't it? You SHOULD be so proud of yourself...I bet your mom is proud of you too. Heck you should feel proud that Jon told you ahout that. He can't even keep information in his marriage in his own house.. again, that must make you sleep good at night) Jon, I hope you don’t get mad at me for this but I want to explain many things. There were innuendos made that made me worry. Things I hated to hear and didn’t want to hear or ever want to hear from someone I care about. Someone I wasn’t prepared or wanted to lose because of bad judgment or because I did nothing…. It upset me and truly worried me. After discussing how I was feeling, he convinced me it wasn’t anything to worry about basically just a bad judgment call/statements and something that shouldn’t have been said but nonetheless still worries me because I do care. Could you live with doing nothing, I can’t and couldn’t! I couldn’t stand by and do nothing, I wouldn’t do that to my worst enemy…not be there, not talk to, not listen to! I wanted him to know he had a friend, “that’s what friends are for”.(Again, it depends on what your definition is of 'friend' and believe me.. no sane person would want to be your 'friend')

I wanted him to know he was cared about and loved. I wanted him to see the positive in his life, big or small, and realize the things he had to be thankful for or even just make him laugh. Also, that when he wasn’t around he had people who missed him. I’ve hid my feelings from no one, this includes Chris. I do care, I am here, I do love him and I do miss him. (Can I get a psychologist to read this? Is this 'normal' for a 'friend' to be writing this to a man who is having marriage problems and this person is the reason? I think Dr. Phil needs to be called) Why would I want someone in my life that I can’t say these things about? (Manson) There are many people who feel this way about him, there are two in this house!! He’s a great person and even better friend. I have a child and I am married to my child’s father, I love and respect him. Is Jon someone I could see myself with, yes he is and I'm sure that answer would be the same for a million other girls, (Oh, so NOW the truth comes out...so you do want something more.. then this guess about a cult couldn't be more right on. Who else would sit back and let their wife right stuff like this? Who? NO ONE!!!!!) he's a wonderful person and I swear I married his twin so it's a pretty easy answer. However, the bottom line is I'm married with a child and you two are married with two children. (Did you really say that? You admitted Jon is married, does Jon know this? Maybe you need a refresher course in sociology and human development) I am capable of loving other people it's just different! (Yes, we know...DIFFERENT) Just as I know Jon loves you, you can hear it in the way he talks about you and things he does if listened too and seen. (Really, thats why Jon still associated with your husband who called her a c***? I don't know one single man that would sit back and still let that person breathe if they called their wife/girlfriend the C word)It’s not a competition, ( oh yes it is... you can't stand one minute that Jon isn't there.. he doesn't owe you any explanation to anything. He shouldn't be made to chose, which you make him.. Do you ever think that maybe you could go 24 hours without talking or seeing him. Maybe you need to enroll in 'RA" Relationships Annonymous) it’s not a tug of war and it’s nothing to be threatened about, not for me. ( I would sure hope not. My sister is 50x better than you, not to mention she is beautiful, a loving mother and she will find someone one day that will support her and have focus on a family)

He should be able to have an outside the four walls relationship with people (again, definition) without having to be checked on or checked up on, he’s a grown man! (that has joined a cult with a wife that doesn't want any part of it.. what is so hard to understand?) The above mentioned things are wrong on so many levels. I can remember a time when I use to call you and do the same thing. I would hear a Madonna song, (oh please dont bring Madonna into this... you aren't even close to her, even on a 80's level) or a dance song if we were going dancing and play it for you. The circumstances were just different, a friend needed me and I was able to be there, I don’t regret it and I would do it again tomorrow! If I said I wasn’t hurting, I’d be lying. If I said I wasn’t pissed, I’d be lying. If I said I didn’t care, I’d be lying. If I said I wanted the friendship to end, I would be lying and if I said I regretted it, it again would be a lie. I have many feelings and emotions (don't we all know) at this point but regret isn’t one of them! For almost a year and a half, I witnessed a miracle. A very beautiful, meaningful, loving, caring…just an amazing bond and friendship! (and all along, b/c my sister didn't want to be a part of your sick relationship cult) My husband (oh wow, you have a husband.. I think this is the 2nd time you used that word. Maybe you should go back to church and hear what a higher power says about marriages and tThe 10 Commandments or the 7 deadly sins... oh don't forget the 'alienation of affection' lawsuit. Damn I should have been a lawyer) felt as if he got a piece of his life and a brother back, I gained a best friend, someone I truly care about, trust, cherish (not to mention that you want to be married to him)and I know will be there for me and my family.I don’t know where to go from here and I don’t know what else I can say. ( I do... get a life and stop breathing) I won’t continue to defend myself or the relationship the 3 of us have, this I do know.

I know this friendship won’t be what it was without trust, effort and time and even with that I don’t know that it will ever be! I do hate the fact that the “social circle” is no longer. I hate the fact if we are all going out, one or both of us won’t be there. I thought about the both of you during Halloween and New Year’s Eve, it just wasn’t the same! When Duane invited us out for New Year‘s, I first asked if Dana knew and Duane said she had thought he’d already told/invited us. My second question was if you, Pam, was aware of it. I want to move past this and move on and at the very least be able to be social. (You can forget that one) I know that was Duane and Dana’s intentions for New Year’s, hoping one good night would be the start of a new beginning because she made reference to it on the way home, I agreed and was hoping for the same. I know that’s what most of us want! (No not most of us..YOU) I don’t enjoy this, I don’t care for the drama. Maybe we’ll never get back to where we once were or maybe we were never there but to do this and act like this, I can’t and won’t do it anymore. I am better than this (don't flatter yourself.....believe me... your not) and I would like to think you are as well.If in fact one or the both of you realize someone has to choose, family or friends…please let me know because this is not what I want this to come too and I never did nor expected this, I wouldn't ask or expect you to choose. Love is selflessness and if Chris and I need to give up this friendship for the sake of family, yeah, I love you enough to do that. (Um, I think we tried this before....and you were going through withdrawals within 8 hours) It wouldn’t be easy and it isn’t anything we want to do but I also don’t want anyone to hurt or continue to hurt…not my family or yours.I do care….and none of us are promised tomorrow…. (And so many of us wish you wouldn't see tomorrow) In so many ways, I wish things were different! (Yeah, we know.. you wish you and Jon were married...we have heard that) Thanks Jon for the introduction, the email and the effort!! You mean a lot and you're a great person!!! (And again, how old are we?)

So in summary..... can we say 2 things..... numero uno... there is a reason why you don't have friends.. and numero dos (thats 2 to all you slow people)... F U!

I could list the top 10 reason why moving to Raleigh is good..but hey, I already made you a scrapbook so that you could ponder daily. Call me... I can have enough people to get your house packed and move you completely in less than 24 hours. Surround yourself with people that do want you to be happy, realize there is life beyond a******* (remember I was once married for a memorable 12 years...NOT) and hey, Im not doing so bad.... and know that you are better than the trash you are surrounded with. You are a great person, a wonderful mom and you do deserve better. Don't go another day dealing with this. I love you!

End of an era...

Season 9, Gil Grissom ending episode was on last night. I have watched CSI for 9 years, not religiously and Im not some crazed fanatic that stalks the actors, but I love the show. I should have gone into forensics. This season has had some of the most memorable episodes yet and we aren't even at the end of the season. The opening episode that started Season 9 was the continuation of Warrick being shot in the alley. The 1st CSI to die, well not really the 1st most the 1st of the actors that have been here throughout the year. I had nightmares for 4 nights for the season ending episode in Season 8 when Warrick gets shot in the car.

The 24 million viewers that watch this show every Thursday night were ready for this season to begin. Its funny to watch re-runs and see how everyone has aged over the last 10 years. How grown up they have all become. Kind of funny feeling that way for a television show, huh?

The last few weeks, they have been playing re-runs on Thursday nights, last night they played the episode before the original one to air last night at 2115 first at 2015 and then went into Grissom's last episode. It was a fast one-hour episode, thats for sure. I had even told Chris I was going to cry when Grissom left. I really didn't think I would.

As the show was winding down and Grissom had been packing up his office, he made a last walk through the lab. Passing everyone who would still carry on without him. He turned and as the camera followed behind him, I felt like I was going to cry. I thought 'you can't end it like this', 'you can't just let everyone wonder what the heck Grissom was going to do'. So the screen became white and there was Grissom in his hiking gear in a jungle in Costa Rica looking at bugs. For a split second I wondered if he was going to find Sara or Lady Heather. But then just as I thought he was bug hunting, he got this look of excitement. As the camera now stands looking at him from the front and you see a female hanging clothes on a line with a camp set up, you wonder..... You couldn't really tell if it was Sara or not...but then the camera opens up to her face and it is! She stops and turns around to see Grissom standing there.... WOW! I did cry!

In all the hype of whether or not Grissom would end up with Sara or the escapade with Lady Heather meant anything.. made me wonder. They kind of left you hanging with the whole Sara thing, the last thing she did was send Grissom a video to tell him that she was ok without him. Nothing more had been said.

I found a deleted scene that never was aired in a previous episode where Kathryn comes to Grissoms apartment to watch his dog and while Grissom is getting ready, Kathryn snoops around finding a picture of Sara on his refridgerator that NOW looks like she is in the jungle, leading me NOW to figure out that, yes, in fact, they have been communicating even though the show didn't lean to that. I guess it was a great scene to leave out because they totally rocked the episode last night.

I hope the new character knows what big shoes he has to fill. Rumor has it that Gil will be making cameos hopefully next season, maybe even with Sara. But, to me, it will never be the same.

Academic Achievers with Allison (again)

3rd quarter Academic Achievers Breakfast ceremony was held for 7th grade Track 1 and of course, Allison was on the honor roll. I am so proud of her. You can't really see her in the picture, but she is sticking her head through. She was hiding, because, of course, she knew I had the camera. She remains in advanced-gifted classes and I am so proud of how well she is doing with her grades. I always try to stress how important school work is and depending on how well she does now, it will help pave the way to her future. I hope she continues to work hard and make me proud!

The saga continues....

As the sarcasm continues here.... I think Kim and I have found new motos in the 'All About Me' saga. I think we are starting our own tribe...we wish to be called the Smackabitch tribe! Address us accordingly. I guess with me its what you see is what you get, and if I don't like you, unless you are really stupid, you know it. I don't have to explain.

But for some people you don't know if its stupidity, jealousy or envy! You would like to think stupidity but I am betting on this one, its jealousy or envy. Has to be. And if you think that acting like that will get you back up the ladder...you are wrong!

But, listen up.. the Smackabitch tribe will be holding their new annual conference aboard a large boat in June and your presence will not be welcomed! So keep that Its All About Me attitude.. you will soon find out.... it gets you NOWHERE!




I think I found a Christmas present for next year... The book below... but again, stupidity wouldn't kick it.....

Get your gear on...

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt like putting on battle gear and jumping in two feet? I guess I'm kind of at that point.


Sometimes I can let things go and move on, and sometimes things bug me a bit...but then there comes a point and its battle time! Do you like my fight gear? All from jealousy? Or is it ENVY?
Now that IS a 7 deadly sin...so maybe its ENVY!

Lucky 7...

Lucky 7 it is! 7 more shifts for me at Rex before going to a 'limited' schedule. Funny thing this am in shift report... Jan (for those of you that know Jan, you'll know what I mean). We get through shift report and Jan yells out ' not sure if everyone knows but Michelle is resigning and we are going to Michael Dean's to eat on January 24th'. Well, I started laughing (silently of course) and I guess the word is getting out, huh?

Its kind of funny, how I have been noticing as the days go by that the people I talk about caring for are the same ones that say 'I'm going to miss you' or 'Please don't go'. The people that work right beside me that don't say anything are the same ones that talk behind your back and are jealous. Maybe jealousy should be the 8th deadly sin. Isn't that sad?

Countdown to change...9 more shifts

As I round out my full-time status at Rex lots of things go through my head.....I am sure when I get out of the full-time status it will be 'what took me so long'. I kind of have that same American Express feeling, of being in a comfortable place with benefits, but yet not satisfied with what I want to accomplish. So I know everything is going to be fine...just new.

Its kind of heart grabbing to hear people say to me 'please don't go', 'we need you here'. Even Dr. Weiss said 'Aren't you out of here yet....whatever, it's sad'. Wow! From Dr. Weiss? That means alot, even Karen Miller yesterday, who didn't know I had turned in my notice, kept saying 'no!'. THAT is why I need to leave. When you care too much about the people and the place, and get no support from your own management team...it's time to move on. When you have support from staff, the physicians, and even hospital administration that means alot, but when your own department shuns you b/c you say it like it is...kind of sad. Think about how your place of business or even this country would run if everyone was upfront and honest AND said it like it was. Would be a better place, don't you think?

I have been talking for about a year about leaving. Other than hearing my Director tell me 'we don't want you to leave'. Nothing else has been done. Actions speak louder than words. Haven't you heard that before? I guess the kicker was a position being 'created' for a staff person and a job being referred to me from my Director in early December that anyone that knows me knows they wouldn't dream of wasting their breath telling me about it. Kind of a slap in my face. For someone who has been here over 2 years and the only thing that she knows is that I am on the UPC and the Sunshine Committee. Really? Is that ALL I do for the department? Ask ANY staff person, ask ANY physician, hey, why not call Mary Lou Powell, VP Cheif Nursing Officer or better yet call David Strong, President! I bet they could whip out a longer list. Clueless!

I am keeping my foot in the door so that I can still obtain AHA certifications and teach, and see the people I love! I'll miss Rex! Julie is there..a new manager, I hope for the best that she can change things, that things can be different. I hope that for my friends that are there!

Anyone for lunch?

WOW~! What a lunch, huh? All the living Presidents met for lunch at the White House. What a photo op! It's amazing: you have a father/son, the last Democrat that the State of North Carolina voted for in 1976, Jimmy Carter and the first African-American President all together. Wow!

What's your New Years Resolution?

So 2009 is here! Not sure if I made one New Year's Resolution, maybe a few small ones, but not one BIG one. I always have so much on my list of things to accomplish but I am really hoping this year really turns the right direction.

I hope that I get the house sold, before that I hope I get done what I need to in order to sell it, I hope that I can find another house that will be to everyone's liking, I hope that my kids stay healthy and have a great year... I hope for alot. I need to get back on my Atkins diet and lose the weight I have gained back, and get out and start biking or walking again.

Whatever your resolution is, I hope it comes true for you!

Merry Christmas 2008!

Our family tradition for Christmas Day is that I get to see if Santa came and then the girls get to come downstairs. The girls were so excited, even the night before you could hear the excitement in their voice. Thats probably the best part of the holiday for me!

Wow, I guess those Santa Claus payments I made, really paid off. Allison got a laptop and a new cell phone, while Lauren got a new flat screen television and an IPOD. WOW! I guess Santa has my girls on the 'nice' list!

They tore into the presents under the tree. Clothes, clothes, gift cards, jackets, Webkinz, the list goes on. I think all in all they had a great day!

I think this year my mom get the kudos for the presents. My kids do always, but this year my mom kind of hit it. I got 2 magazine subscriptions that I wanted, a gift card for clothes, and a GPS for the car. The magazine subscriptions really meant more than anything. I didn't tell anyone else I wanted them, but I end up getting them at the store every month and read them cover to cover. My kids got me an Archivers gift card, stuff from Bath & Body Works and a Lowe's gift card. All that was on my list. Yeah! I got a Wii Fit from Chris and a fireplace set (which I needed). I also got a cargo bag for the top of the car for when we travel. Not sure when the next trip will be but I guess we will have more than enough room.

I told the girls that next year, we are going to do the picture Christmas list. I'm already working on mine! Hope everyone has a great Christmas holiday!

Christmas Eve

I was up and out at 0600 headed to Honey Baked Ham which opened at 0700. The girls were at their fathers and, originally, they were coming home later in the day, but due to his change in plans he now was dropping them off at 0945. I had made plans of what I was going to do today, being that I had most of the day to myself. So since plans were changed, I knew I had to get out and get done what I needed without the kids in order to complete everything.

As I pulled into the Dunkin Donuts parking lot beside Honey Baked Ham, it was a site. There was a tent set up in front of the store. You still entered through the regular entrance but they had roped off the path in which you needed to travel. In the middle of the line there was the lovely employee with a tray of smoked turkey pieces to sample and a bargain with a small smoked turkey breast. Of course, I had to get one. I proceeded up to the counter, gave them my order number and headed out to the check out tent. Very quick and efficient.

Next I headed to Target at North Hills. Wasn't sure if they were open yet, but it sure was nice shopping with very few people in the store. I got in and out fairly quickly.

I needed a Barnes & Noble gift card and called the Crabtree location to see what time they opened. 0800 was the answer I got. It was 0750 so I knew that by the time I got over to Glenwood Avenue it would be 0800. Yeah. I was getting too much accomplished.
I still needed to head to Kroger to shop, pick up 2 gallons of sweet tea from McDonalds, drop stuff off at the post office and who knows what else. It all went well, and I made it home around 1000.

The girls got home and showed me the presents from their Daddy and Santa. Then we pretty much baked all day. Cakes, cookies, shrimp dip, cheese balls. Pretty much everything you can think of. I did realize that there aren't enough sugar cookies in the world that will make Chris & Allison happy.

A little more Father of the Year drama

It continues..... the award obviously wasn't enough...so maybe a new title? Anyways, every year Rod has gotten off at noon on Christmas Eve. He gets the girls the night of the 23rd and they have their Christmas with him on Christmas Eve. The girls had mentioned that he wasn't getting off until 7pm. So I decided to text him, to make sure that he was getting off at noon. Here's how that conversation went:



Me: Do you get off at noon tomm?

FOYT (father of the year): Ill be dropping the kids off on my way to work @ 945am tomorrow morning so I guess it doesn't matter what time I get off.

Me: They said they were going to open presents tonight and tomorrow, but they thought you got off at 7 but I said you got off at noon. They don't have to come home that early.

FOYT: I have to work until 3 and then I am driving to WV.

Me: Ok didn't know.

Me: When are you planning on going to Greensboro?

FOYT: Whenever its convenient to take the kids.

FOYT: I was going to ask about taking the kids to WV but I was pretty sure they wouldn't be excited about going and its way more important to eat dinner with Patsy, Dres and Kim than it would be to see great grandparents, grandparents, uncles and cousins.

Me: No I think it would be important for the kids to wake up here with Santa stuff on Christmas. I knew nothing about you going to Charleston until now. I don't think they look at it like you do. Neither is bad. We are having Christmas dinner here and doing the exchange at Kim's midday.

FOYT: I didn't say it was bad, and I figure the kids would rather stay with you than drive six hours with me and I didn't know I was going until two days ago, thats another reason I didn't ask. Of course the biggest reason is because you believe that you are the only important person intheir life and I am down a ways on the list.

Me: Whatever. Put yourself in their shoes. And I didn't mean to imply that you knew you were going to Charleston months ago.

FOYT: I am putting myself in their shoes. They don't care about spening time with my side of the family and maybe one day they will regret it and maybe they won't. I really don't care anymore.

Me: They went to dad's one year and woke up there on Christmas and they both hated it. I asked them and neither want to go for Christmas. I don't know how you think you are thinking in their shoes. I'm not sure you would have liked spending time with distant relatives and not being at home. As always if it's not what Rod wants, its wrong.

FOYT: I will try to refrain from using vulgar language but I understand what the kids are feeling and can sympathize with it, my point is that they have no encouragement from you to respect and cherish the face that they have so many relatives still around that could be gone next Christmas and that works for your side as well as mine.

Me: Yes I do. More than you know, realize, or will EVER give me credit for.

FOYT: It would be neat for me to be able to take the kids and in a little more than 24 hours let them see Faye, Pearl, Mom, Randy, Dad, Debbie, Jeff, Glenda, Greg's family and all the other cousins that will be around-but I understand the kids hesistation about being away.



Is it me? Am I the ONLY one on this planet that thinks he it totally ridiculous? And just like I said to him....if it's not his way then it must be wrong. I get sooooo tired of dealing with crap like this, which is almost on a 'everytime' basis. I do think the girls need to see their relatives. I don't think a major holiday is the best time when plans had been made. He knew that he was getting the girls and having Christmas with them on Christmas Eve. I didn't make him go to WV. He could have spent more time with them and then gone to WV. The girls are also on a year-round schedule, so they have 4 months off a year. He could take a long weekend and go to WV and visit. There are many other options.

So can you see how wonderful my day has been?

Happy Birthday to my mom!

Yes, today is my mom's birthday. Every year I forget if its the 22nd or the 23rd. My mom was born on December 22 and my dad on February 23. But every year at this time, I have to call my sister to remind me which is which. This year I remembered WITHOUT calling my sister. Yeah for me! There is hope! I got this picture before her and Brianna took off to head back home. As cold as it was this morning, it felt like Charleston I'm sure.

I always love taking pictures with Brianna. I love her and Parker to death. I hope one day I am in the position to see her every day!

Guitar Hero and Gingerbread Houses....holiday memories!

What more getting into the Christmas spirit that Guitar Hero? My niece and my mom came down for the weekend. Briann & Allison were battling it out. I can't make it much past Slow Ride by Foghat, where as Allison is unlocking songs, battling Slash and winning $$. Something is wrong with this picture.

I alsways love it when Brianna and Parker come to visit. parker had a hockey tournament in Roanoke so he couldn't come this time. He did win his game 10-6 I think on Saturday and he scored his first goal and won the game 4-0 on Sunday. Not too bad for a 5-7 year old group. We had fun here through. We baked cookies, played, made gingerbread houses, which was an event in itself. We walked the dogs, cleaned the house, did some Christmas shopping and listened to Christmas music.
We had to prepare the icing and then put the sides and front and back of the house together. The girls put them together and then had to hold them for about 10 minutes before they could let go. I don't think they knew this part. ha ha

Lauren got to do a Gingerbread Tree. She wasn't too happy about it at first, because the houses were bigger, but after she saw how difficult and how long it was going to be, the tree tured out to be the perfect thing.
After the sides dried for about an hour, the next was the roof top. Allison, Luaren & Brianna loved licking the icing as much as caking it on. The roof tops were going to take 2-3 hours to set.

Even with all the icing packs and all the candy to place on the gingerbread house, it was too much. We had a ton of candy between the 2 houses and the tree. It looked more like a candy store than a gingerbread house.

Allisons finished house is below. I had already put Briannas in her box to take home, and didn't want to attempt taking it out so I didn't have a finished photo for Briannas.

Throughout the process of placing the candy on Briannas roof top, she would drop one every couple of minutes. I was round so I would hear it hit the floor and roll, and it became a joke. After fnishing and we were cleaning up, Brianna dropped the dish of 200 candies on the floor. I laughed from the other room as I knew what hit the floor. It was like small beads rolling everywhere in the dining room. I laughed this morning when I told Brianna that I would be finding those candies everywhere until I sold this house. Im sure some rolled under the china cabinet as well as the buffet.

I wouldn't trade this time for anything. I love all of us being together. I hope one day that we are closer and that they live here. It would be wonderful!

Father of the Year goes to.....

You guessed it! Every day that goes by that I do not have to talk to Rod is a great day. And then every day that I do have to hear his voice, it proves to me why he deserves this award. Allison had multiple dentist visits last week to prepare her mouth for orthodontics next February. We had an appointment on Monday for a filling and 2 teeth extracted. The girls were at their dads on Sunday and he proceeded to tell Allison what they were going to do to her, including sticking a big needle in her mouth. Needless to say, when the girls got home and told me I wasn't too happy. I also wasn't too happy when Monday rolled around and it took me 30 minutes to get Allison calmed down in the dentist chair. Afterward, he texted me and asked 'is it over yet'. I replied, 'yes, thanks for scaring her to death, it only took us 30 minutes to calm her down'. He replies. 'i was being honest'. Lets see, is there such thing as being a father? Am I lying because I DIDNT tell her that they were going to stick a needle in her mouth? Was the dentist lying when she told her that they needed to use some orange juice spray to put her tooth to sleep? I guess we are a liars because we didn't tell?

Which leads me to the 2nd incidence in a week. Nothing suprising there, huh? I took a package to Rod to mail out UPS on Tuesday, Allison happened to be in the car and she asked him "what did you get me for Christmas". His reply 'nothing..... Grandma Shoda sent me some money so we will go shopping after Christmas and get you whatever you dont get'. HELLO? After Christmas? Thats not Christmas! And he tells this to a 12 year old who goes home and tells her 10 year old sister. Merry freakin Christmas Rod! I really tried to think that he was joking but the bigger part of me knew he isnt. He gets the kids on Christmas Eve, he has known for the better part of the year that the girls would have their Christmas with him on the 24th. And now 'nothing'. Im sure his divorced parents never pulled that one. Mine didn't. Santa came to my mom's and my dad's.

Sitting down to write this today, I initally thought I only had the 2 instances but low and behold he adds another that I can add to the list. I had gotten a 28 bottle wine celler a few months back that was clearanced 75% off. Its over a $200 cabinet and I looked and looked for other ones. The price was too good to believe. I had mentioned it to Rod so that if he got out and looked he may be able to find one for a Christmas present or birthday present of some sort. Again, too goodof a price to bypass. So today he calls and asked if I had sold it and also if he could skip the child support payment this month because he had bills to pay. I said 'no' which started him on his normal 60 second rant of how 'its all about you' and 'this is the season for giving'. And many other pleasant remarks that I am sure you can figure out. Well, I guess you can take it up with the North Carolina Child Support Office, if you feel as if they are wronging you. The last time I checked I dont calculate child support. As of January 2008 you actually pay $150 a month LESS than what you should, but does he ever remember that? Maybe thats because he wears his anal sphincter on his face.....his mouth!

So remember all you Raleigh people...if you should see this man walking the streets, congratulate him, shake his hand and remind him why he is the Father of the Year!

Lauren's Christmas Chorus Concert...

Thursday night Lauren had her Chorus Concert. She had a speaking part that she had to learn, last minute. We practiced and practiced, only to have her remember one line during practice that morning. But during the concert, she was perfect. They started on time at 1900 and sang for a little more than 30 minutes. They sounded so good and I kind of thought was it must be like to keep that many 5th graders together and learning everything without total chaos breaking out. Teachers in general don't get paid enough, but wow!

Below is Trevor. Trevor Blalock that is. No, not related to the other Blalocks, you know, Kim, Jordan & Chase. Trevor is the 5th grade heart throb at Timber Drive Elementary. According to Lauren "everyone loves Trevor". So, of course, I had to get a picture of him. He is on the opposite side of the group picture but he also had a instrumental part.

Below is Laurens speaking part. We headed to Logans afterward for dinner with Kim. That would be Kim Blalock. But not Trevor's mom. ha ha. Enjoy!

Jordans 9th Birthday at Kanki!

Jordan turned 9 years old and picked Kanki for the birthday dinner. I think there was a total of 23 of us there. Jordan spent the first 20-30 minutes opening presents and cards. Carolyn was in town so she went with us. I had never been there before so it was surely going to be interesting..but hey, it was Jordans birthday!

Mimi and Lauren. I had a blast watching Lauren as the Chef (or whatever they call it in Japan) prepared our food. Lauren was also entertaining using her chopsticks.
He flipped rice, once actually getting into Laurens mouth. Allison didn't want to play and neither did I, so Lauren was our scapgoat! She didn't mind. The Chef made a volcano, a flaming one and one that smoked and moved across the grill.

There was so much food and it was awesome and entertaining watching him prepare our food. The steak was awesome and Carolyn said it was the nicest Kanki she has been in. We had a blast and its always great doing dinner with Chris' family. I think all in all Jordan had a pretty good birthday and alot of love.

What are we up to?

Hope everyone gets a laugh like I did... hope you enjoy!

It is definately beginning to look alot like Christmas...

Every year we head to Pop n' Son Christmas Tree Farm off of Hwy 50. I have gone every year since before the girls were born. They have remote lots throughout Raleigh but they aren't as fun as the farm. There is a different section every year that is ready to be 'official' Christmas trees. They also cut some and have them in a different section. The girls love going. And their trees are beautiful.

Allison came with us even though she had a fever. The girls love going row by row to find the perfect one. Each one they seem to pick out is perfect until they see the next one that is perfect. Its kind of funny! Its all part of the holidays.
After looking through many trees we found the one we wanted. I don't think I have ever had a artificial tree. Guess there's something about a real tree and that smell in your house around the holidays that make it more special.