The Wall...my Wall

There are many "Great Wall"s around the world. Some nice and some not so nice. Some still stand and some do not. Mine, for whatever reason, seems to stay. I have a serious problem with letting people in. I guess I feel that if I don't let anyone in, then I won't get hurt. Because everytime I do, I end up getting hurt in the end.

The relationship between Chris and I didn't start off as a 'relationship'. He just came over to help with the 400. One thing led to another and then before you know it, we were an 'item'. Within six months I knew I would marry him in a heartbeat and I told him so. Guess I should have kept my mouth shut. His response was 'we needed time to get to know each other'. Well, we have known each other for 15 years. Heck, what else was there to get to know.

Fast forward 3 years later, we weren't anywhere down the path of life than what I wanted. I didn't think he was ever going to 'know me' enough and deep down, didn't think marriage was what he wanted. When Rod left, I didn't think I would ever want a part of marriage again. That was until I met Chris.

We kind of held the relationship together through January/February 2010. We have kept in touch here and there, but I always knew he was in the back of my heart and maybe, just maybe he would come and say "Michelle, this is stupid, why are we apart". I dove back into work. Between Wake and Rex Im clocking 70-90 hours a week. Lori had tried to set me up with a Detective in DC, and while I thought 'ok', I kept faith out that Chris would come through. I just felt like time apart would make us both realize what was important.

I kept replaying what his sister told him when she re-married her ex-husband. When I asked Chris why, he said that she told him 'I woke up one day and wanted my family back'. Even though Chris and I didn't have a family together, thats what I thought maybe he would want.

So all in all, my wall continues to shut people out, very important people. How do I take it down?

A lunch date

Chris called this week and wanted to catch up over lunch/dinner. Wasn't sure what my schedule was like, so I was going to have to get back to him. He asked and immediately 1,000,000 thoughts race through my mind. Can I just open up and tell him how I feel? Anyways, I ended up leaving work around 1600 and dialed his number and stopped probably 5 times before just hitting the 'call' button. I told him that I hadn't eaten lunch and was going to stop by Which Wich for lunch and then heading home and did he want to meet me there. He did! I guess thats a good sign? I went ahead and ordered and then he showed up. Butterflies race through me just looking at him. Why does everything shut down and the wall come up when feelings start to emerge? Why? Just say something! We talked over 45-60 minutes. Everything seemed ok. How exactly do you start the conversation of 'lets get back together', 'marry me'? How does that exactly roll off your tongue? Needless to say, it didn't. What is wrong with me? Why do I stay so guarded to someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with? Hasn't there been enough time that has gone by? Can't he just see how much he makes me feel like a 18 year old? If he only knew!

2011 Ecuador Kick-Off Meeting

Finally got the dates for Ecuador this year about 2 months ago. After last year, I was excited to be able to take Allison this year. More than anything to let her see how other parts of the world live. That not ALL kids have cell phones, televisions or even electricity. I had mentioned this trip to Chris last year because I thought maybe he could go and be a part of the construction team. But as you know we hardly talk. Thats a whole other blog paragraph! So after updating Facebook (of course) Diane writes me back telling me to 'save me a seat'. Was she coming? Last year after updating FB, she left me a message and said she had a friend that was on the same trip. Finally after 5 days, we met. Weird, huh? As you can see Allison feels right at home! They passed out scrabble letters when you signed in. Low and behold, here comes Diane. Yeah! Said she wanted to come and check it out! I mean, really, who needs a new refridgerator? This is way more exciting. So here we go....they lectured about the trip, how much it was going to cost, what teams where going when, etc. Then the contest was on....each person had to met other people and make 4 letter words. The top 3 people with the most words won either $50 off their trip fee, their exit tax fee or an Ice Cream Sundae in the restaurant in the hotel we stay at. Of course, I want the 3rd place, Ice Cream. Its THE BEST! Between Lauren, Allison, Diane and I here are our letters: Purple Haze Brad! It was so good to see him. We were planning our strategies for our team this year. And of course, introducing everyone! Cherine wasn't able to make it so I picked her packet up. There was a video feed to a team in Alabama that is going with us this year. Looks like we may have close to 200 people. We found Betsy, up front of course. We, of course, are the back row peeps! Wow, what a trip it would be. Even if Diane chooses to go with the construction team.

This beats a refridgerator anyday! Next meeting: March 7. See you then!

NHL All Star Weekend-Game Time

NHL All Star Weekend-Sat

Oh those glasses.....

Lauren went to school on Monday and one of her friends said she was in the paper! Well, it had to be from Saturday night....but I hadn't had a chance to get a Sunday paper yet. I wanted to make sure, in fact, she was in there! I got on newobserver.com and went to the NHL coverage and found these pics....

Those glasses sure made it easy to pick them out! They had too much fun! Glad I found some pics from the 'other ' side! Now that they're famous..... Lauren said that Chris will now need to request an autograph through her FB account! ha ha

They were definately in to getting the guys to come over and autograph their jerseys....

So after this, I definately went and bought 4 papers....good for scrapbooking our awesome weekend!

Raleigh Wide Open-NHL All-Star Fan Fair

Continuing the All-Star Weekend Saturday morning. I really wanted to ask Chris to spend the weekend with us. I think with me taking the weekend off and all that we had planned, maybe this would be a good weekend to 'flirt'or 'spill' a little? But then time went by and I never did make that call. Wonder why. We picked up Murph and then headed downtown! We wanted to get there so we would have enough time to get through downtown as well as Fan Fair before heading to the RBC Center for the Red Carpet Arrivals. It was cool enough to wear a sweatshirt. Downtown looked totally awesome. NHL Hockey everywhere, banners, street signs, huge picture displays were everywhere you looked! You could definately tell what was going on this weekend in the heart of Raleigh.

Fan Fair in side the Convention Center wasn't open until 1000, so we hung out downtown and tried to take in all the beautiful pictures! Lauren even asked about Chris (like she does regularly). Im sure we could have come up with some good pics. Walking in by the entrance of the Marriott was totally awesome! Huge banners that Allison was trying to figure out how we could get Cam Ward's down so she could hang it up in her bedroom.

I don't think Raleigh was disappointing anyone in the NHL. It took Raleigh a few years to get the All-Star Game, even though we should have gotten it years ago. So Raleigh wanted to make sure it was an awesome weekend for everyone!

Now, seeing Allison beside it, you can actually see how big it is. We hadn't even made it anywhere yet, and we were blown away.

As we walked down Fayetteville Street (blocked off once again), the pictures, posters and everywhere we looked was engulfed in hockey! It was so cool! Of course, Allison found her man again!

And of course, the typical picture!

I was actually trying to figure out how to get this down by myself! Hummmmmm

Lauren and her 1st purchase of the weekend! Pretty cool bags with purchases. We found out later that not everyone knew where to get the bags. ha ha ha... Little did we know how famous those glasses on her head would be.....

I got a closer picture of this, but thought this one gave you more perspective about how BIG it really was. Anyone happening to fly by would definately know what Raleigh was doing January 28-30.

After we rounded through everything, we headed over to the Convention Center. We thought by getting there 15 minutes early that would be enough...WRONG. We walked in and just to get in line was a wait. But they had obviously started letting people in early, and the line kept moving. We had gotten our tickets in advance so we didn't have to wait in line.

Lets go......

They were letting people in with groups of about 50 at a time. We walked through this hallway of huge cartoon-like superhero hockey players. Something called the Guardian Project. We found out later what that was. Pretty cool. Lights, music, and everything hockey.

Lauren didn't hesitate in getting her picture taken here 1st. She looks like she could put a good hit on someone, doesn't she?

We headed over to the Locker Room. They had about 8 lockers set up with all the gear. From helmets, pad, stick, pants....everything.

Lauren put on Sidney Crosby's gear. Had to get a picture and text it to Brianna & Parker! I sure wish they were able to come. They would have had a blast! But then Lauren dipped herself in Clorox. ha ha

Then it was my turn.....Alex Ovechkin, here I come! Can I just walk out with the jersey Mr. Locker room man? Uh, no!

Next up was Allisons turn. Joe Thornton! It didn't taker her long to get the gear on.

Lauren was jumping in Vincent Lecavalier's gear!

There were huge curtains of players through NHL history. Lauren is standing to give you perspective to show how BIG they actually were! If we did get one of these, Im not sure where it would fit!

One area was set up like an equipment room. They had video clips that would show you completing a slap shot in slow motion. Pretty neat. Everything inside was free. So all the interactive things they had were totally free.

Allison & Lauren got a puck/picture display of each of their players. Lauren got to see a picture of Jeff Skinner without all the helmet action on.

Before heading over to the Stanley Cup, I ran into some lovely EMS girls, protecting the streets on bike patrol!

Yep, the girls said they were having fun! Too much to do and we were running out of time!

Standing in line for the Stanley Cup....never too long of a line. We probably should have done this when we first walked in, but there was so much to do, we were trying to complete a circle to make sure we didn't miss anything!

Obviously Allison had to find something to keep her entertained. Texting of course!

Allison knows what picture opportunity awaits when the Stanley Cup is involved. We've touched the Cup numerous times, and each time is just as awesome as the 1st.

After we got this picture taken, we saw the Cup Keeper, Phil! I asked for a picture! What an amazing job. To travel everywhere with the Stanley Cup.

Walking back through the maze exiting the Stanley Cup were hand impressions of several of the All-Stars. Some of them have some pretty large hands!

Before we left, this huge NHL logo was turning, we had to be quick! But perfect picture opportunity.

Walking out they had this huge inflatable set up with the lanes of ice set up that you could intertube for free! Kids were lined up!

What a great way to start a Saturday! Next stop...Which Wich for tailgait food and then off to the RBC Center!

2011 NHL All-Star Weekend Kickoff-Fantasy Draft & 3 Doors Down

New format for the All-Star game! Team Staal vs. Team Lindstrom! Each Captain will pick their team. Pretty cool, hence the reason why we don't have Eastern Conference vs. Western Conference!

Team Staal got the 1st pick! Probably because its his town! Who knows....but who does he pick 1st?

Cam Ward, of course! Gotta have a goalie! One of the most important players on the team. Not to mention Allison's favorite!

Those two are looking pretty good up there! Two Carolina Hurricanes leading the way....

One after another they alternated......

Team Staal picked up 18-year old Jeff Skinner from the Carolina Hurricanes, of course! Not too shabby for being 18 years old!

Daniel Sedin and Alex Ovechkin...Go Team Staal!

Round by Round they went until there was a lonely one....Phil Kessel- RW of the Toronto Maple Leafs.....

He made it up there to put on the Team Lindstrom jersey!

After the NHL Fantasy Draft, 3 Doors Down gave a free outdoor concert across the street at the Ampitheater. What a great start to a weekend!